WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS

i remember this feeling,
eyes wide open to see the signs,
am i seeing clearly enough?

do i have the strength to go thru this again?
is this the road i've been looking for?
or is this just a start of another nightmare.

i wish for once, everything can be a little clearer,
or easier...like everyone else's story

nobody can predict the future,
but i can't even guess what will happen in the morning.

i wish it's as easy as everyone think it is
but it isn't

the happiness is there, i can see it
but it's not yet mine,
breaks my heart to say that it might never will be

i was awaken at 5 this morning, it sucks cos i only just fell asleep at 2.30.
it's very hot for that time a day, but its not the reason why i couldn't get back to sleep.
a rush of thoughts suddenly flashed in my head...(sigh)
perhaps its that book i read before i go to sleep (the 5 people you meet in heaven).

During this weekend i thought time passed so slowly, it's like i can't wait to get to monday again.
But this morning I realised something different.
I suddenly realised HOW FAST life was.
Last june i started a new job in KSIT and here i am almost june again already in a different job.

It seems not long ago at the end of last year, when i thought i finally found a new source of happiness, a brightlight, someone who changed my days.
I remember on the first hours of 2005, we were side by side, a great way to start a year...but then....

only about a month later i found out it was only a dream...the brightlight isn't staying....its just passing thru.....A month after one of the happiest day of my life i found myself in the most dreaded moments...that night when the truth revealed, and the nightmares sets in.
It only took less than a month to bury you happiness.

And now time seems to drag me by force...feeding me with reality after reality wether i am ready or not.
And everyone around me seems to play along with it. Like I am the only one without the understanding. Like they expect me to act like nothing happened.
Everyone seems to think: "Hey come on, it's time to move!" and they're pulling me by the hand fiercely without even caring about how i felt or what's on my mind.

This morning I realised how tired I am, keeping pace with time and everything, and now i am haunted with fear on 'What's next', 'Where are they dragging me now' 'How can I trust my heart again' 'How do I translate those signs'....So help me God.

Shit, it feels good to let it out....

someday we'll know...someday i'll know

You Are Far
When i could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death, and from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough
To even make a start
But you'll never find
Peace of mind,
Til you listen to your heart

People
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them
Steal your heart from you
People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew i loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through

Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and ties
So goodbye
But please don't take my heart

You are far
I'm never gonna be your star
I'll pick up the pieces
And mend my heart
Maybe i'll be strong enough
I don't know where to start
But i'll never find
Peace of mind
While i listen to my heart

People
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will,
For they will
If you let them
Steal your heart

And people
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew i loved you
We could have shown them all

But remember this
Every other kiss
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man
One you really can surrender with
I will wait for you
Like i always do
There's something there
That can't compare with any other

You are far
When i could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death, and from my heart
Strange that i was wrong enough
To think you'd love me too
I guess you were kissing a fool
You must have been kissing a fool

(george michael - kissing a fool)
exactly how i feel...

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

(Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter)

my trampoline
bounce me back up when im down

my slice of reality
unpriced and duty-free

my CPR
breathe of fresh air you are

my distraction
in my drama you're the action

all i am wishing...
hope you'll find what your heart's missing

take care...

i thought i've run far enough
fast enough

i though i've tried hard enough
long enough

but everytime i turn around
i am at that same place over and over again

where is my guiding star when i need it?
where is my conscience when i'm weary?
where is myself when i need him?

how can you move on if you couldn't tell which way's forward?

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But thru the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prizefighter
Still trapped within my youth
------------------------------------
At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
And I know how hard you try
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

(words taken from the song: Sometimes When We Touch/Dan Hill-Barry Man)

i wanna hold you till this fear in me subsides....