WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS

the night is long and cold, with no one to blame but myself...
i am the bad guy here, i just realised that...
unwanted and uninvited...
the late hero wannabe...
i am the capital L in the word loser...
or at least i act like one...
so take me up the hill and shoot me...
for the world have too many of this already...

i talked too much
f***, there are still a lot to say
so close your ears and let me babble
or kill me before i open my mouth

i feel like running till i've only my last breath.

the world can fall apart right now and i wont mind,
my dreams can fade away,
the entire universe can turn against me,
the sun has gone to shine in someone else's sky,
but somehow,
i can still feel the warmth somewhere in my heart.

and everytime she smiles
nothing else matters,
everything's worth it, even pain
i don't have to mean anything to her,
she means everything to me,
in my heart,
that's all that counts.

i wanna feel anything else but this
anything...

hit me...hit me hard, as hard as you can
hit me where it hurts,
smaller pain heals the bigger one they say
dont worry about my face,
at least i dont have to wear a mask anymore.

i wanna feel anything else but this
anything...

yell at me,
shout in my face...
anger....anger can heal pain too,
cant it?

i wanna feel anything else but this,
please...
please...
please...
anything else but this.

your visiting time is over...
we hope you enjoy your visit to the inside of love,
if your heart breaks during the visit,
please do remember that we did warn you before you enter.
do comeback inside if you are ready and brave enough,
take care.


...but i don't want to leave.

what is the most precious valentine present I ever get?
a smile... and knowing that I made someone's day special.

valentine is just another day, but that night was another day to remember for the rest of my life.

thanks for the beautiful day dear,
despite every tears and everything that we talked about, I will remember that day as a wonderful memory.

happy belated valentines day everyone!

"you can feel love everywhere, when it grows inside your heart."

so many things happened in one night,
but in the morning there's loneliness...


saat kau memimpikan seseorang
yang mimpinya berbeda dengan mimpimu,
kau punya dua pilihan,
terus bermimpi, sehingga mengganggu mimpinya...
atau bangun dari mimpimu...dan biarkan dia meneruskan mimpi indahnya.

mic...bangun yuk mic...sudah dulu ya mimpinya.....kamu nanti bisa tidur lagi kok... :'(

maafkan, saya sedih

...

how's your heart today mick?
pertanyaan itu...sederhana...tapi jadi kepikiran...
how is my heart today?
saya sedang berusaha gak perduli sama hati, berusaha jadi "mr. nothing happened" lagi.
tapi kenapa susah yah, apakah saya kehilangan kemampuan untuk itu?
jadi inget: "kayanya, lu jangan nurutin hati terus deh mik"
sebuah nasehat dari teman.
Saya juga maunya begitu kalo saya boleh jujur, karena saya hilang kepercayaan sama hati saya sendiri. Sempat kepikir, apakah ini memang hati yang berbicara?
Tapi apa lagi? pikiran saya tidak bisa berjalan dengan benar, saya sudah berusaha berpikir ke depan, tapi hati saya yang berjalan ditempat.

Lalu... banyak pertanyaan pertanyaan yang timbul, yang saya sendiri belum berani menerima jawabnya....karena apa? sekali lagi karena hati.

"those who search for the truth deserve to be punished for finding it"
kalimat yang bikin takut, takut sekali.

berapa banyak yang saya belum tahu? apa saja yang menunggu di depan? sepertinya saya gak siap untuk tau. terutama karena ini kan harusnya bukan urusan saya lagi, cuma si hati ini yang MAU TAUUU AJAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andai hati ini bisa ditukar dengan yang lebih kuat.
dasar manja.....childish dan demanding, saya tau yang kamu rasa, tapi kamu tidak bisa memaksakannya, hati seharusnya tidak begitu, bukan? Hati seharusnya rela bila harus tergantikan, bila itu yang terbaik untuk orang yang disayang.

Liat deh orang lain...yang normal.... bisa berjalan terus karena hatinya kuat, kamu kan sudah saatnya begitu. Apakah kamu tidak iri? si pikiran saja iri, masa kamu tidak??

Mungkin sudah saatnya...
membohongi hati mungkin memang perlu, slogan slogan hidup saya tampaknya sudah usang, "follow your heart" tidak cocok sama keadaan. Saya jadi harus merevisi semuanya, mind set saya harus diganti, 'yakin' saja tidak cukup, karena ini tidak bisa dipaksakan.

Yah ampuuun...setelah saya sangka saya sudah dewasa dan kuat, rasanya seperti ditampar kembali ke titik nol. Kamu salah...kamu sok tahu...kamu belajar lagi gih.
kamu suka, kamu sayang, kamu... kamu... kamu....so what?! ....itu gak ngasih kamu wewenang apa apa. kuatkan hati, biar dewasa. Karena ada kata 'Dia', bukannya hanya 'kamu'.

so...what now? pertanyaan ini untuk si pikiran, sedangkan kamu...hati....tidak usah jawab dulu yah.

(pembicaraan ini menyangkut status yahoo saya: (i wanna buy myself a silicon heart) hehehe)

wemadelove: kalo udah ada gue mau juga ya
herewithmic: apaan sih?
wemadelove: itu silicon heart
herewithmic: ohh
herewithmic: ada di mayestik
herewithmic: :))
wemadelove: ahhh
wemadelove: mana ada?
herewithmic: ada
herewithmic: 15.000 dapet gelas
wemadelove: hmm
wemadelove: kayak apa bentuknya?
herewithmic: kaya hati tapi kebalik
herewithmic: jadi kaya pantat gitu deh
herewithmic: :))
wemadelove: siyal
wemadelove: pas di implant susah gitu
herewithmic: :))
herewithmic: mesti dipantat
wemadelove: heuehuheuheuhuehw
emadelove: bener tuh
wemadelove: kalo hati di pantat, pas sakit hati kan bisa lsg di buang trus beli baru
wemadelove: LOL
herewithmic: bener
herewithmic: silicone tules
herewithmic: rules*
wemadelove: adoh, jd pgn
herewithmic: silicon mind juga ada
herewithmic: bisa milih
wemadelove: ngeri lah kalo itu
herewithmic: mau yang all good thoughts
herewithmic: atau diselingi kesedihan sedikit

hihihi andai bener bener ada, saya beli gak yah?? sounds nice...but fake :p

[mm'04]

the book said, when you really want something in life, the entire universe will stand together to help you get it...

that's nice...

but the book also told me to follow my heart...

so...

somehow i find it hard to believe...

though i really want to.

"you're still young, that's your fault, there's so much you have to go through"


Dear Dad

It's strange, but somehow I can really feel your presence last night in my room
when I was alone.
I was reading the first chapter of this book I always wanted to read, then suddenly,
you flashed by in and out of my thought.
It was like you can see through me and sense what I'm feeling at that moment.
And I felt like you were trying to tell me something. Something comforting I believe.
It's peculiar, because I don't remember sharing these kinds of problem with you back then.
All we share was achievements, victory, competitions in school, sport, and things like that.
I remember telling you how many goals I score, how many points I score in a basketball game, I remember telling you my team won the basketball tournament the minute I stepped into the door. And mostly I remember when you call me at the campus when you've found out I've received a full scholarship from the school :) I can sense pride in your voice and that was one of the proudest day in my live.

But we never talk much about anything else in life. Makes me wonder, what advice will you give to me if I share you these kinds of problem, life, relationship, making decisions.
Last night, I felt a bit of regret bout the fact that there are many things I havent learn from you.
And suddenly I felt the angels was cooking onions in the room last night hehehe.
I miss you dad,
I know if you're here you will trust me with my thoughts and let me take my own responsibilities, learn from my mistakes, to get up & be a man.

I hope I'll grow to be the person you always wanted me to be :)

With love,
Mickey


"take your time, think a lot, think of everything you got,
for you may still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not."

(quotes taken from Elton John's 'Father & Son')

When you're weary
Feeling small
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all

I'm on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you

I'll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Sail on Silver Girl,
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way

See how they shine
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind

(Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon and Garfunkel)

[MM'04]